It\’s never easy to find stability and coping strategies for those caught up in the struggle of addiction
Living with an active addict is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You never know what’s coming. One minute, everything seems calm and the next, chaos erupts. It’s a constant dance between hope and despair, where you’re always on edge, never knowing when the next crisis will hit. The addict’s behaviour becomes the elephant in the room, dominating every interaction and decision.
There are days when you probably feel like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid to say or do anything that might trigger their addiction. Other times, you find yourself tiptoeing around their mood swings or cleaning up the messes they leave behind. It’s exhausting, both emotionally and mentally, and it can feel like you’re drowning in a sea of uncertainty.
Yet, amidst the chaos, there are moments of clarity and connection that remind you of the person beneath the addiction. You catch glimpses of their humanity, their struggles, and their dreams and you cling to those moments like lifelines in the storm.
Living with an active addict requires resilience, patience, and a whole lot of love. It’s not easy and there are no quick fixes or easy answers. But somehow, you find the strength to keep going, hoping that one day, things will get better. Sharing a home with a drug addict, an alcoholic or anyone with an addiction comes with a unique set of challenges that are hard to confront and even tougher to accept. Self-care is a no-brainer, but there are other ways you can make life easier for yourself and feel safe and loved in your own home.
Stop enabling them
This is the number one rule. You probably don’t always know that you’re doing it, but enabling is one of the most common mistakes people living with addicts make. Enabling comes with the best of intentions. It’s only natural that you want to help them. But if you always step in and protect them so that they never have to experience the consequences of their actions they will struggle to find a motivation to get better. So, if you’re letting them live rent-free and you don’t expect them to do their share of chores, if you lend them money, cover for them with their employer or get them out of trouble, then what you think is caring, is actually enabling.
Set healthy boundaries
We should have boundaries in all our relationships. These are lines we don’t want ourselves or others to cross. Boundaries help us to feel safe and loved in our homes. When it comes to addicts, these boundaries are good for you and them. With addicts, we might choose to say, you are not allowed to take drink or drugs in the home. No one is allowed to bring them into the home. I won’t put your addiction ahead of me or the things I need or want to do. Once you’ve worked out where your red lines are, you then need to communicate the boundaries to the addict in your life and finally, and most crucially, you need to stick to your boundaries.
Educate yourself
Understanding addiction can help you navigate the complexities of living with an addict. Learn about the signs and symptoms of addiction, common behaviours associated with substance abuse, and available treatment options. Education can empower you to approach the situation with empathy and compassion while also protecting yourself from the chaos and upset that often comes with active addiction. Knowledge will help you to communicate better with the addict in your life and be able to set realistic expectations.
Don’t let the addict hog all your attention.
Although at times it might not feel like it, there is more to your life than the addict you live with. The addictive behaviour becomes the primary focus of the addict, and they will do whatever they can to meet their needs. That includes lying and manipulating others. They may also use attention-seeking behaviour as a means of exerting control over their environment or relationships. You need to make sure that they do not take up all the space in your life. Try to prioritise others and let them look after you too.
Know when it’s time to quit
You can only hope, pray and put your needs aside for so long. If your partner stubbornly refuses to seek help or is in and out of rehab centres with no intention of staying sober, there may come a time when you’ll have no choice but to ask the addict to leave. If the addict\’s behaviour poses a direct threat to the safety of themselves or others in the household, such as violence, threats, or reckless behaviour, prioritizing immediate safety may require asking them to leave. This is especially true if there are children involved.
